Death or Glory: adventures of a photographer

They Say Its Your Birthday

2009-09-13T20:22:00.002-06:00

This is Margot.

She was my best friend.

Today is her birthday.

She would have been 25, finally catching up to my age. I don't know if its because I've ingested so many over the counter pain killers and allergy medicine today, or because this year I miss her so much more, but I feel like I'm falling apart. My insides are vibrating and feel as though they will soon be on my outsides and leave me truly empty.

I spent the better part of today in the car trying not to listen to music that makes me cry. This was difficult. We shared so much music. So many mixed tapes. From this band to that band and all the six degrees of separation in between, every song is a memory, every song nostalgic.

Its not just the sadness that she died so young or that she had so much life left to lead. I often wonder what she would say to me now. Or what she would have done with her life. If we really would grow old as friends and sit in the nursing home sucking our mashed taters through a straw.

Damn it, I had so many things left to say to her.

Check out my Etsy Store

2009-08-13T09:14:00.002-06:00

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade
TwoCraftyChicks.etsy.com

Pakistan Slideshow - Buy Prints on Zenfolio

2009-07-06T12:48:00.002-06:00

Here's a sample of the work for SALE at pandavisionfilm.zenfolio.com

Frames available! All shapes and sizes of prints! Check it out today!

Buy a Print in my STORE!

2009-07-06T12:24:00.004-06:00

Check out my store at pandavisionfilm.zenfolio.com

Order your favorite prints and adorn your walls!

See something on my website that you don't see in the store? Can't live without it? Make a REQUEST! Email me at pandavision@gmail.com with a description of the image and where you found it. I'll put it up in the requests gallery in the store, and it will be available for purchase!

Happy Shopping!

marriage is a civil right

2009-05-27T23:22:00.001-06:00

NO H8 - The Church Channel

2009-05-26T22:20:00.006-06:00

While working for my friend Ky on her film Fish Out of Water earlier this year, I read through a lot of bible verses and ended up at a lot of protests. I drove to the capitol building in Madison Wisconsin to have my boyfriend wave a giant rainbow pride flag in front of its shimmering white rotunda. I've talked to theologians and furious people in front of the Renaissance hotel in Chicago. I've seen people's hopes uplifted with the onset of a new administration only to have them dashed by a multi-million dollar propaganda fueled 'popular' vote in California.

I've run through protests in a foot of snow to get footage of thousands of people marching through the streets of Chicago. I've been soaked to the skin and certainly questioned my poor choice of footwear, but I've never seen these crowds diminished as a result of terrible weather. You can't win a war if you don't come out to fight. People keep coming out to fight, but I have no idea why they HAVE to keep fighting.

The opposition's argument simultaneously makes me laugh and desperately want to choke someone. This 'storm' that's coming our way, this scare tactic that you're good conservative family values are going to be destroyed is laughable and infuriating. I can't wrap my brain around how two adults wanting to commit to a long term and responsible relationship is a bad thing. When you get down to it, that's all it is. Two people, in love, committing to each other for a lifetime. Settling down. Being responsible. Building a life together. How is that against conservative values? Also, a homosexual couple is able to adopt a child, but they can't get married? Doesn't that go against conservative values? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Please, someone explain this to me, their argument fails to make any sense.

No minority should be forced to defend its equal rights at the ballot box.

Wouldn't you be upset if, by popular vote, your right to riding on a bus was taken away and you had to take a different bus for people like yourself - say Irish American, or Left Handed. What if you couldn't have the same job as other people? What if your happy, stable marriage was now null and void? Wouldn't you be angry?

I may not be a gay American, but I'm an American and I'm fucking angry.

While I have so many things to be angry about these days - climate crisis, world wide lack of education(Africa/India), and huge corporations knowingly poisoning a region of people (Nicaragua)- this topic hits really close to home. This revocation of equal rights is affecting my close friends, the people I work with, and whole communities. I submit that it is an obscene failure of justice.

I don't understand how a nation that rose from the ashes of a bloody rebellion and came together to create a country based on the separation of church and state can tolerate such a clear intrusion of the former to the latter. If anyone bothered to read a true translation of the bible instead of misquoting a biased rewritten version - like quoting lines from a movie that were never said in the actual film i.e. 'Play it again Sam.'- they'd know that the bible doesn't say anything negative about homosexuals.

I'm a strong believer in people being able to think what they choose. If someone want to think that I dress like a jerk and will get no where in my life, that's just fine. But it's not ok for that person to act on those emotions in a way that can hurt me - ie punch me in the face and break my glasses. I'm hoping at this point that anyone reading this would think that the above mentioned action would 'not be cool.' The same can be true of a majority's thoughts on a minority. You may not agree with a homosexual's choice of partner in life, but it's certainly not cool to stand in the way of their pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Taking away this simple right is doing just that. It is not the place for the many to take away the rights of the few.

Here's your take away for today: Turn off the church channel and start talking to your neighbor. If you're old enough, think about what happened during the civil rights movement. And when you see that dude that's walking like a lady, or that chick that wears a plain white tee and a faux-hawk better than the man of your dreams, think twice before you judge. Odds are they're just trying to make it through life just like you - as happy as they can possibly be.

To All Readers: How About You Chip-In for a good cause.

2009-04-25T15:47:00.003-06:00

I'll be working on a documentary in Southern Sudan late this year or early next, but it depends on getting the funds together for the project to take flight. I NEED YOUR HELP!

Panyijiar Community Development Services s a 501 (c) 3 exempt organization in North Dakota that is meant to support and stimulate the dreams of Lost Boys of Sudan from Panyijiar. In this regard PACODES strives to improve facilities of education, community healthcare, parenting, clean water, agriculture, humanitarian, in addition to peace and conflict resolutions for the Panyijiarians in Southern Sudan. Our first goal is to construct a library for the community in Panyijar.

Euro Cup 2008

2008-06-10T13:20:00.001-06:00

i heart soccer.

Sing me a rainbow, steal me a dream

2008-04-10T15:05:00.004-06:00

I don't know how many people I've talked to about the need for education in Africa. The general response I've gotten is one of genuine empathy. Every time I tell someone about the thousands of children walked for thousands of miles to escape their government's genocide, I get a good response. "That's terrible," they say. Usually followed by a sympathetic face.

I tell them about the resettlement of those children in the United States. I tell them about those same children that have grown up and want to go back to their country. I tell them that they have not seen their home in ten or more years. I tell them their drive, that they work full time jobs, attend school, earn their BA, want to get their Masters degree. I tell them that they want to go home to help their communities rebuild. I tell them that their hometown has never had a library, that their children cannot read. I tell them about these Lost Boys with hope to inspire people to think about how they can change the world.

I am met by the wet blanket of apathy that has covered this country for the last twenty years. I have had the channel changed on me. People will listen only for a short period of time. I am frustrated and I am exhausted.

I don't feel that I am asking for very much. I don't feel that I'm draining the people that I talk to when I ask. I am asking for so very little. Your time, your ears, your feet. I am asking you to watch this video. I am asking you to pledge your feet. I am asking you to help me. So take a gander at this and think about it:

Here's some info from our facebook site for the event:

walkSUDAN is a community-driven, volunteer-owned movement dedicated to promoting community development in Southern Sudan and helping the Lost Boys return home. We're organizing walks in Peoria, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Fargo. Pledge Your Feet and help us build a library in Panyijiar County, Southern Sudan. This war-torn region needs our help and, through our grass-roots campaign, we can make this region a better place to live!

All proceeds will go directly to Endless Eye and PACODES, two non-profits committed to community development in Panyijiar County. The funds will be used to build a library this fall and to finance a documentary film intended to raise awareness to the lacking infrastructure in Southern Sudan (and, in turn, help us raise funds to fix the problem).

It's easy to get involved...we're only asking that you raise $40 and pledge your feet on May 24th...come walk with us from Bradley University's quad to Liberty Park on the Peoria Riverfront. This symbolic walk will represent the tragic trek the Lost Boys made, as children, to escape the violence in Southern Sudan during the Civil War. 27,000 children left their homes and families to survive...after a thousand mile journey, only 13,000 children made it to refugee camps in Kenya. We're working to help create a community and help the Lost Boys go home!

They Walked to Survive...We Walk for Them!

We are hosting walkSUDAN events in PEORIA CHICAGO MINNEAPOLIS and FARGO. If you live in the Midwest, you can make it to one of them. If you don't live in the Midwest and want to help, think about setting up a walk in you city and contact me: amanda@endlesseye.org

This is your chance to help a community in need. It is your chance to change the world.

It starts with a library
that will bring hope to a community
and a culture
ready
for
change

Are you ready for change?

Is there anybody going to listen to my story?

2008-02-27T16:52:00.004-06:00

I kind of lost all faith in humanity yesterday. I've spent all day attempting to get it back. I came to the realization that it is close to impossible to get any number of people to give a shit about anyone other than themselves.

Heres a decent example:

The horrific amount of violence and tragedy that occurs daily in Africa that no one cares about because there isn't oil/money/profit margin in it and the idea that 'lets just let them kill themselves off' because no one gives a shit about impoverished black people in the middle of no where (or at least very very far from the comfort of their own homes).

People can change the channel to American Idol and American's next Top Model. Our media saturated culture is both a negative and positive element in this day and age. On the downside, we can choose to not pay attention to the problems of the world. The media itself also has this choice. Where do priorities lie? Personal priorities may reside in making enough income to feed ones 'family, buying ones' family a new SUV or flat screen television, or paying off ones' family's mortgage. Media priorities could lie in avoidance of discomfort for their audience. It seems that our country's media, and government for that matter, is far more concerned with BASEBALL having it's day of reckoning in CONGRESS. I found the following in the Washington Post's online archive:

"During the course of an all-day, nationally televised hearing, the House Government Reform Committee fulfilled its goal of examining baseball's oft-criticized drug-testing program and its impact on steroid use among teenagers."
By Dave Sheinin
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, March 18, 2005; Page A01

ITS BASEBALL! Come on!

Come one come all to bare witness to the glory of our justice system turning their focus to BASEBALL! Nothing better to do? Trying to deflect the focus from other worldly events to the crisis of athletes weeping on the stand? Shouldn't the murder of hundreds of thousands of people take precedence over the news? Brutal acts of raid and rape? No? Not interested?

For those of you who don't know what's going on across the oceans, it's more than likely not your fault. No one is presenting it to you, so I'll do my civil duty as a citizen of the world and bestow some long overdue schooling, enjoy:

The War in Darfur is a military conflict in the Darfur region of western Sudan. Unlike the Second Sudanese Civil War, the current lines of conflict are seen to be ethnic and tribal, rather than religious. One side of the armed conflict is composed mainly of the Sudanese military and the Janjawid, a militia group recruited mostly from the Arab Baggara tribes of the northern Rizeigat, camel-herding nomads. The other side comprises a variety of rebel groups, notably the Sudan Liberation Movement and the Justice and Equality Movement, recruited primarily from the land-tilling non-Arab Fur, Zaghawa, and Massaleit ethnic groups. The Sudanese government, while publicly denying that it supports the Janjaweed, has provided money and assistance to the militia and has participated in joint attacks targeting the tribes from which the rebels draw support. The conflict began in February of 2003.

The combination of decades of drought, desertification, and overpopulation are among the causes of the Darfur conflict, because the Baggara nomads searching for water have to take their livestock further south, to land mainly occupied by non-Arab farming communities.

There are many casualty estimates, most concurring on a range within the hundreds of thousands. The United Nations (UN) estimates that the conflict has left as many as 200,000 dead from violence and disease. Most non-governmental organizations use 200,000 to more than 400,000; the latter is a figure from the Coalition for International Justice that has since been cited by the UN. Sudan's government claims that over 9,000 people have been killed, although this figure is seen as a gross underestimate. As many as 2.5 million are thought to have been displaced as of October 2006.

The Sudanese government has suppressed information by jailing and killing witnesses since 2004 and tampered with evidence such as mass graves to eliminate their forensic values. In addition, by obstructing and arresting journalists, the Sudanese government has been able to obscure much of what has gone on. The United States government has described it as genocide, although the UN has declined to do so. In March 2007 the UN mission accused Sudan's government of orchestrating and taking part in "gross violations" in Darfur and called for urgent international action to protect civilians there.

After fighting worsened in July and August, on August 31, 2006, the United Nations Security Council approved Resolution 1706 which called for a new 17,300-troop UN peacekeeping force to supplant or supplement a poorly funded, ill-equipped 7,000-troop African Union Mission in Sudan peacekeeping force. Sudan strongly objected to the resolution and said that it would see the UN forces in the region as foreign invaders. The next day, the Sudanese military launched a major offensive in the region.
[This article is taken from Wikipedia. While it is not always a reliable source for accurate information, I have checked the stats with other sites and it is very consistent.]

Here's the point. People don't care. Its much easier to not give a shit about other's. It takes effort to care about issues. I don't see it as that much of an effort. I find it mind numbingly frustrating that people don't take that small step towards even inquiring beyond their own walls.

I think I came face to face with every negative thing about the world all at once. Here's a good one: The fact that humans can never be of one race because their governments are all too petty and self involved to see anything beyond themselves. I found myself questioning whether I went into the right field at all. Should I have been a lawyer, a doctor, an international aid representative? Can I make a difference at all? Is every action I take a futile effort? I can't allow myself to believe that and still be able to pry myself out of bed in the morning. Life would become far to difficult. So I go on, everyday, attempting to make a difference in the slightest of ways. I talk to people. I tell them things, much as I have told you when I have today. I hope you talk about it to others. I hope you dig deeper. I hope.

hey little bird, fly away home

2007-05-31T22:51:00.000-06:00

house is on fire, children are alone.

Getting back stateside was a trip in itself. The culture shock was more than I could handle, being so jet lagged and on a completely wrong time schedule... So here are my issues with the United States, as follows:

America thinks that 'obesity' is a problem. People gorging themselves, living in excess, is a social problem affecting the masses. Excess in itself is personal problem. How do you explain spas and nail salons to villagers in rural Pakistan? "So you pay how much for someone to put mud on you? I can put mud on you, we have lots of mud here!" The unnessicarity of this country amazes me. I got back to my apartment and saw all the things that I don't need. I'm donating half my clothes to charity, all the books I don't read are going to a library being built in Sudan. How little can you survive on and still be happy? It is very little. I met people in Pakistan that live in a one room house, have seven children, and do not harbor the problems I see on a day to day basis here.

The perspective gained and the faith in the west lost... I'm having trouble expressing this feeling. I am a foreigner in my own country. I feel ill at ease walking down the streets in my neighborhood. I decided when I was gone that when I come back, I should never be bored. Being a bored American is feeding into a stereotype that I refuse to be a part of. There is no reason why I should waste my time in laziness and idle whilst I am able to be alive. I've been waking up at six AM ready to start my day. I've been sewing and making box pleats in silk ribbon at 7 AM.

Coming back from this trip, I feel like a better person. Focused and more productive. This trip really affected me iin a positive way. Thank god something lit a fire under my as to do something with my endless numbered days.

Lahore, Pakistan

2007-05-09T15:10:00.000-06:00

i will have words later.

sunrise soon forgotten

2007-04-25T16:00:00.000-06:00

I leave for my adventure in 7 days. When I found out I was going on this trip three months ago, I couldn't believe I was leaving in three months. Now it's a week before I meet that gate at the airport, and I am filled with a sense of anticipation, the likes of which I've never felt. The nearing prospect of visiting places I've never seen makes me feel like I'm floating. I have seven days to get my shit together.

We've started production in Chicago. Adam (my partner in crime) and I were doing time lapse on the streets. We strapped the camera to the hood of my Saturn, immediately turning it into the "Movie Mobile," and cruised down Lake Shore Drive a few times. We hung out on a bridge over the highway for a couple hours watching the traffic, shivering, and thinking up the best ways for Adam to pick up the jogging chicks. After sunset, we threw the camera onto the hood of the car again and rolled down Michigan avenue through the loop and into Lower Wacker- the basement of the city.

Later this week we'll be sitting in Millennium Park filming the sunrise. We scouted it earlier this week, with only a little difficulty. I guess the case with Millennium Park is that it "opens" at 6am. But sunrise is half over by then, so we intended to be there at 5am, to catch the whole show. Of course when we get there at 5, there's a drunken couple being chased by a fat, angry security guard who in turn saw Adam, Thom, and I setting up my camera. To our chagrin, she hassled us out of the park with a hell of a lot of sass to come out of one woman's mouth. She sat and read her paper, doing nothing, and we stood with our toes at the edge of the park being sarcastic and thinking up names for her- we settled on Clarice.

A cloth encased golf cart rolled up to remove the sign that discouraged people from entering the park at night. We asked if that meant the park was open. He said to give it a few minutes. We liked him. We called him Bernard. While we edged our way into the park, we were hoping that Bernard could wrestle out the stick shoved up Clarice's ass, and tried our luck at 5.45am. Bernard was successful and so were we. We sat and watched the sun rise until 7.30. Other photographers were coming out on that Sunday morning, but we had our turf staked. We made snide remarks on their lack of commitment and enjoyed the view.

road to nowhere

2007-03-29T19:00:00.000-06:00

I realize that my posts of late have been somewhat on the dark side of professed thought. With winter waning, I can feel my weather induced pessimism lifting. The melting snow has surfaced a lost roll of film from some previous adventures.

Thom, Josh, and I took a two hour drive down state to explore an abandoned air force base that was rumored to exist. I was expecting barracks, perhaps some hangers or machine rooms. What we found was a place that seemed walked away from. It was as if they shut the doors on a Friday and skipped town in a permanent way. There were more buildings than we could hope to get through unnoticed in one day. We chose the two that would be most intriguing.

The first was a theatre. The place was never gutted and there was still seating for over 300, easy. Over time the roof had given way to rain and storm. The structure was still holding, the materials were saturated and floor bound. The seats were faded and thread bare. The aisles were carpeted with piles of ceiling tiles that gave underfoot like milk soaked graham crackers. The scent of rust and rain poured in from outside. The building was dissolving in the wet season of mid November in Illinois. I walked around the remains of the stage and climbed up to where the pin rail was operated. The whole operation was rusted through. Nature was attempting to absorb the theatre back into its domain. All that remained in the booth were the platforms where the projectors once stood. The light streamed in through the shutters hanging off the windows. The roof opened up and let in the sun and the trees. Being inside the theatre was more like being outside.

We made our way out across the quad to the dorms. At this point, unbeknownst to us, we were being tailed by the local police. The dorms were a strange place. In four floors, there were identical hallways. Off the hallways branched identically shaped rooms. Each of the rooms was empty, save for an occasional broken chair. But each room had a telephone on the floor that was disconnected from the wall. Each phone was in a different spot in every room. The ceiling tiles had come free from above and fallen like soggy tetris pieces on the floor. They had thought painting over tile was a good idea at the time, and now the tile was shaking off the paint like bad case of dandruff. Thom and Josh had gone up to the third floor, I was still exploring the second. After taking a few pictures of the rooms I walked passed the stairwell that led upstairs. I saw a face I'd never seen before, he was in a black uniform and he was carrying a gun. Two thoughts ran through my head: 1. If I run, they'll chase me, 2. That would be interesting, but serve no practical purpose as I have no drugs or weapons on me. So I went upstairs where they had already nabbed Thom and Josh. These small town cops couldn't wrap their heads around the idea that we drove two hours from Chicago to visit this place. "Aren't there better things to do in the city?" "You're probably going to get yourselves sick from all the mold and asbestos in this place." But come on guys, look at the pictures I got. Walking where you're not supposed to provides a rare thrill that most people just don't understand.

Check out more photos from that trip on my webpage in the urban gallery

misery is the river of the world

2007-03-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

When the weather gets warm, people come out to kill you.

I am having a harder and harder time trying to find anything good or beautiful about this city. One of my employees was walking home from the Logan Square blue line station last week and was assaulted by two "people" with baseball bats. Assaulted would be too light for this situation. He was beaten within an inch of his life. And for what purpose? Because he's white? Because he looks like he has money? Because he's a guy? Because he wears glasses? If robbery was the motive, you can punch someone and they would give you their wallet if they knew you meant business. It's not exactly the most human thing to do to beat someone unconscious and keep going with it. This kid is now in a medically induced comma in an Intensive Care Unit in critical condition. For what? The twenty bucks that may or may not have been in his wallet? What kind of a person does that to someone else?

Other recent Logan Square crimes include a man being shot in the California blue line station, a woman being raped in the Logan Square station, and a person being held up by two 16 year old girls with guns on the street. 16 year old girls with GUNS? Ridiculous doesn't begin to describe the situation accurately.

I went to visit my friend in the hospital. He's out cold and probably will be for some time. The ICU is a very cold and unfriendly place. I came to his room and he looked as though he had gotten hit by a train. It was strange to see him hooked up to machines to help him breathe, machines to keep the circulation in his limbs, machines to keep him hydrated, and completely alone.

I tried to bring him flowers but they wouldn't let me bring them in the ICU. I had to bike home with them:

I need to get out of this city.

an arctic wasteland

2007-02-28T19:20:00.000-06:00

It might just be the winter dragging on, but I'm liking this city less and less everyday. I drag my fee through filthy snow and nearly break my neck on ice that buildings do not see if to chip off their steps. The EL takes twice as long to get anywhere due to ice on the rails and extreme track reconstruction because they didn't build it right the first time.

In my efforts to get back in shape I've been trying to ride my bike everywhere. Half of the lake shore bike path is "ride at your own risk." Everyday I bike to work I do so at the risk of falling into the lake because the city won't even salt the path south of Oak street [bullshit]. God forbid I ride through the loop, that's a death trap if I ever saw one. If I had a bullet for every cabbie that's nearly run me over...

My favorites are the rich lawyer/doctor/dentist's wives stepping out of their Mercedes/Audi/BMWs in fur coats on North Michigan avenue that disregard who their door will hit/maim/kill when opened. I screamed at one lady as I skided to a hault and nearly ran her over. I hope she has heart problems now.

Tom was talking yesterday about moving out to Montana into a house. "You, me, and Josh can have a porch and a dog and a huge yard where we can see mountains and stars." Oh, to live in a house again! To be able to walk around at all hours and not have crotchity neighbors bang on the ceiling when I play music at a perfectly reasonable level at night. Why did he have to say that? Now all I can think of is the view from my room, what I'll name the dog, and the color of the porch swing. I miss being able to see the stars at night. I miss fresh air and quiet open spaces. I can't take the din of screaming and drunken banter of college students from the street below my window.

All I can see is this:

In reality all I get is this:

why?

walk away, start over again

2007-02-25T03:27:00.000-06:00

As I begin to prepare for the Pakistan trip in May, there are certain social aspects to which I need to become accustom. Such as, not being able to drink in a Muslim state. Now, I am by no means an alcoholic, very far from it. Yet, the fact that I am of Irish, German, and English descent must be taken into account. I've been drinking since I was 15. [sorry mom] and frankly I am used to having a beer after a long day on set. A long grueling day in 110 degree heat should warrant a cold one after the sun sets, no? Such is the battle I will face. But, there is hope. After our language lessons on Thursday, to which our producer graciously brought a 30 pack of PBR, I decided to take the weekend off, from drinking that is. Now I tried this last year. I stopped for a whole week [epic, i know.] But this time I have a bit more to do whilst I am not drinking.

Tom and I went to a fund raiser for a film a friend of mine is directing. I had my camera with me as always, and the producer ended up asking me to photograph the party for their website, as both of their photographers flaked on the party. I had a amazing time milling about the party interacting with my very inebriated friends and colleagues. Rick said that about ten minutes before I got there someone flipped the drunk switch. That is to say that everyone was fine, comfortably drunk and quiet until ten til 1AM. Once the drunk switch is flipped in a place there's no going back. I was able to get a great perspective on the action and I had some great conversations. I really had a much better time taking pictures of the party than I would have if I had been drinking at the party.

The last time I gave up drinking it was a mountain to climb. The sheer cliff of sobriety seemed too steep a precipice to approach. The prospect of falling into the dark abyss of trustworthiness and honest behavior was far too frightening. This time around I found myself enjoying the experience, and I may continue it further.

There's a winner in every place
There's a heart that's beating in every page
The beginning of it starts at the end
When it's time to walk away and start over again
-tom waits, orphans: brawlers, bawlers, and bastards

alley wildlife

2007-02-20T21:33:00.000-06:00

Drinking does strange things to people here.

I live up by Loyola in Chicago, and when the weekend starts on thursday, I have to force my way through the hordes of students storming the bars at ten at night when I get off work. I subsequently have to listen to them as I feign an attempt at sleep at four am. Tom and I were staying up wth a bottle of 'mostly whiskey' from the CVS pharmacy down the street [as we are too poor to hit the bars and frankly fear the clientelle.] I sat by the kitchen window with it's glorious view of the intersection of Devon and Sheridan, and the alley next door as I tried to steal the internet connection from other people in the building. I moved the laptop closer to the window to get a better signal. This was around two am and the bars were letting out.
I usually enjoy watching the drunken future doctors and lawyers spew into the streets, nearly getting run over by cars, screaming and laughing. Every now and again you'll get a crier. That's a girl surrounded by her friends sitting on the curb bawling her eyes out because some pompus frat boy turned her down. Said frat boy is high-fiving his yo-bro comrades and scoping out the criers friends. At two am they migrate to the four am bar up the street. Most of them make it, some end up tossing it in the rubish bin on the corner, collapsing, and making it home an hour or so later.

On this night, this particular night, one couple would not make it to the next bar. They wouldn't even make it home! I looked out the window and saw a guy leading a girl into the alley. For the next ten minutes I tried not to watch as they drunkenly rammed each other against the alley wall. I suppose after they exhausted all their option and angles on the wall, they decided the alley floor might make a good place to stage their act.

Might I mention here that in the two days prior to this debachary that the greater chicagoland area had received around 10 inches of SNOW, and that temperatures were ranging around 4 DEGREES. With that in mind, I'll continue:

I thought they had left when I looked back. That is until I saw the girl's head crest the view from the garage roof. They were actually humping on the alley floor, in 10 inches of snow. I guess being drunk really does make you feel warm. I called Tom over to confirm that I wasn't seeing things, that it was really happening. We then came to a realization, after they got back up to give the wall another go. I would be really pissed if I was that girl, I mean, this guy won't even take her home. They were out in that alley for a solid hour! I really wanted to shout out the window "Just take her home already!"

Wanderlust

2007-02-08T00:43:00.000-06:00

I want to introduce you to a notion, a feeling for lack of a better word, that sparks expeditions and adventure.

wanderlust: a strong longing or impulse toward wandering

To preface, not everyone is capable of this impulse. A good friend of mine is set on settling down, having a family with his fiance, and getting a good job as a professor of Astro-Physics. I'm happy for him, truly, that life is definitely for him. But not, might I stress, for everyone; just as the life I will describe, is not for everyone.

Kira Salak, author of Four Corners, and overall master of adventure, wrote in the preface of her book about the part of the Southwestern United States where New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, and Utah meet in one spot. Her idea came to her when she was eleven, and stood in four places at the same time. To her, it was a superhuman feat.

My journey began when I was eighteen. Well, just before I was eighteen, I had my landmark birthday somewhere over the Pacific ocean about sixteen hours into the second flight of the day and the fourth of my life. I was traveling to China, with seventy-nine other sixteen to eighteen year olds. I was in my senior year of high school and in the school band that was, strangely enough, invited to perform in Beijing in 2002.

Our days were scheduled down to the minute, but on the third day of our trip we went to the Great Wall and were set loose. I started to climb by myself, passing friends and fellows on the way. [I'll take the liberty at this point to explain that I was born and raised in Chicago; that is, the flat suburbs of the Midwest, and at this time had never seen mountains] Obviously The Great Wall is quiet a climb in the traditional sense. But the point I would like to illustrate is that you don't walk up the Great Wall, you do indeed have to climb it. Some steps are six inches tall, some come up past any normal sized person's midsection. Two hours later, I approached the final fortress on the way to the top. I stopped. I looked down to where I had been, and drenched in sweat that chilled in the March air, climbed those last steps to the peak.

I found then going through that door, something somewhat unexpected. A small thin man, holding dozens of small brass plaques, smiling. He didn't really smile in the way that you expect someone to smile that's trying to sell you something. He looked happy to see everyone that came in the door. And for four yuan, he'd engrave your name on the little brass plaque that celebrated your joining him at the top. How could you not buy this cheap piece of brass. He was so happy to see you, and you'll never see him again. After he handed me my plaque smiling, I realize something amazing about this guy. This guy climbs up these steps everyday. It made me want to do something everyday that is as epic as this. And once I stood ontop of that fortress and saw the mountain ranges in the distance and looked out upon the only man made structure visible from SPACE, I felt something that I've never been able to explain to someone who has not seen that. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

To wit, my wanderlust was sparked there, in that place, at that time, at that moment, I knew where I had been and where I had wanted to go- which was everywhere. Everyone who knows of the feeling which I speak knows the view, the place, the second that it happened for them.

introduction to urban exploration

2007-02-07T19:54:00.000-06:00

I've recently gotten into the delightful habit of being a somewhat law breaking citizen and discovering the other side to this city.

tres.pass
verb
1:the criminal act of going into someone else's land or property without the owner/lessee's permission.

You might ask yourself what could one possibly be looking for when entering an abandoned building? Most would associate the search for trouble or possibly the off chance of ghosts. What really drives people to become urban explorers? Why set foot in a long forgotten dreary factory or derelict church? The adventure sought could be quite reminiscent of expeditions
of old. Finding your way into a boarded up grade school evokes the thrill of looking for Livingston in the jungle and scaling the ruins of some lost civilization. It is due to the fact that the places we go are forgotten by all that surround them that makes the act exciting. Discovering a chair that has not been sat upon for forty years is the modern equivalent of the Mayan ruins. Finding a way onto the roof of that twenty story building with the greatest view of Lake Michigan at dawn is an urban Mount Everest.

It is not just the taboo excitement that accompanies exploring a place where the public is not allowed; the search for the past is also prevalent in the mind of the urban explorer. The discovery and appreciation of older architecture in a day of glass box buildings and rows of matching gentrified condos is also taken into account. It is in the details of the past that we find our origin.

When the owners of any property see fit to let it go wayside, the doors open for the urban explorer. (In most cases vandals get there first and forcibly open the door for others.) The explorer breaks no glass, busts no lock, and tags no wall. This set of ethics is what separates us from the graffiti artist or common vandal. Most are photographers, others are archiphiles looking for a new sight. The natural decay of the building is what interests the explorer most. It is unfortunate that some places of desolate beauty are defiled by a volatile amateur with a can of weak, suburban bought spray paint.

Airports

2007-02-05T16:55:00.000-06:00

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I have a tendency to arrive to any airport over two
hours early for my scheduled flight. The paranoia of getting caught up
in security lines rarely crosses my mind. Though I've had my baggage
searched, my shoes inspected, and my film canisters questioned, the
hassle has no hold over the amount of time I continually schedule for
arrival.

Airports are fascinating microcosms. From curbside
check in to the bathrooms the scene is sterile. Most airports I've been
though allow you to check in by the warm friendly glow of a computer
screen. The awkward human interaction with a desk clerk has been
replaced by a few touches to asensored screen that asks you politely if
you have been keeping an eye on your luggage and if it is free of
suspicious items. The bathrooms sinks aresensored, the paper towel dispenser gives up the goods for a wave in front
of a tiny blinking light, and occasionally even the
soap has been hurtled into the digital age. The
closest you can ever come to human contact is the lady that waves a
wand over your body to confirm that you're wearing anunder wire bra and not packing heat.

I
found out while traveling alone from Chicago to LA several years ago
that airports are a fantastic place to observe people. Those looks of
anticipation on people's faces waiting at the bottom of the escalator
in baggage claim. Getting to see when the traveller finally sees that
face in a crowd that they are coming home to, is wonderful. The running
hugs are the best to witness. There is somethingcathartic about
observing the people coming and going. Be it arrival or departure these
moments change people and there is something amazing about getting to
see that.

If you are planning on travelling in the US, here's some poignant advice:

If
you purchase weapons abroad you can put them in your
checked luggage. You can generally put ANYTHING in
your checked luggage except for items that might go up in flames or
explode. Swords, hatchets, throwing stars, and cricket bats are alright
by the Transportation Security Administration. Good advice for the
ninja on the go!

Carry on luggage is quite a different story.
The rules regarding what you may actually take on the plane with you
are ever changing and should be checked before you start packing.
Currently, theTSA has instituted the href="http://www.tsa.gov/311/index.shtm">3-1-1 rule. A
traveller is allowed 3oz. or less containers of liquid or gel (usually
eye drops for contacts), a 1-quart size clearziplock bag containing
several 3oz. or smaller bottles of liquid/gel (lots of different brands
of eye drops), and only 1 of those bags allowed per traveller. For
further current information check out the href="http://www.tsa.gov">TSA website.